First Impressions of Thailand: Americans Big, Squatting Hard

First Impressions of Thailand: Americans Big, Squatting Hard

My first week in Asia taught me to seek the common thread and to laugh at myself.  It also taught me this:

1. Americans big. Asians small.

2. One can function in Thailand without knowing the language. One can even thrive.  Without speaking, I’ve said: go faster, I don’t know, it’s too far, and chicken. DIY sign language.

3. When you wear a jumbo backpack, you look like a backpacker. Acknowledge the stares with a smile. Heck, curtsy.

4. Try squatting over a standard Thai toilet wearing a jumbo backpack. Really. Try.

5. Now, try not peeing on your shoes.

6. If you have a complex about your weight, don’t come to Asia. Stay at home where it’s safe, where chub is normal. Here, everyone is half your size. Half. 50%. Less than.

7. Mosquitoes find me wildly attractive. Don’t hate.

In other news, I just walked through a glass door. By “through”, I mean pressed myself against at a high rate of speed. Thailand got that good Windex.

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15 Replies to “First Impressions of Thailand: Americans Big, Squatting Hard”

  1. I know – that’s why I brought it up. You’d kill even if there were no premise (I’ve seen how you act in the grocery store). But throw leaving everything you know to travel the world and dancin for money into the mix and there would be no reason tow watch anything else.The Speedy Ho Show would be unstoppable.

  2. Ha! Karma is a bitch. Peeing on your feet is what you get for making a middle aged man contort in strange ways then laughing at him. Keep ’em coming.

  3. And now I’m picturing you hovering over a Thai toilet with a giant backpack on. Weird?? No, hilarious! Thai quad workout Angel style.

  4. Aaaand just when I thought no image could be funnier than you running into the wall, you up the ante with the aftermath. If I were rich I would pay a camera crew to follow you around without your permission or knowledge in order to make myself even richer.

  5. @Slomo. When it happened, the store owner ran to the back to see what happened. I waved her away. She politely turned around – almost in time for me to miss her laughing.

  6. I definitely want to see what your DYI “chicken” looks like, cannot believe the first tag, and cannot stop laughing picturing you running into a glass wall.