The First Sign of Danger. Who Am I?!

fear_quoteThree months before my solo backpacking trip to Asia, I felt no anxiety. Three weeks before, none. Three days before, I was in a state of shock.

I don’t have enough money. I don’t have enough knowledge. I don’t have enough guarantees.

Why does the mind work in such a way?

Our brains are wired to seek the familiar, for survival purposes. In modern times, this hinders us. We stick with the familiar even when it’s no longer fulfilling or safe. When an abused child is taken from the home, they beg to stay. The promise of a loving family isn’t enough. They want what they know. Anything else seems too risky. Sadly, we aren’t much different. (It’s the same brain.) Ask us to leave a miserable anything and we have an excuse at the ready. I had my excuses.

Nico will forget me. The plane will crash. I will have to dance for money.

It takes courage to break out of a situation that no longer serves you. But, indulge my Oprah moment, you deserve to be happy. When you stay in a place that doesn’t feed your soul, you slip away. It’s subtle. Thus, easy to miss. I was afraid to leave but couldn’t admit it.  I thought, “what would I say to a friend in my situation?”. I’d say: “Gurl, you trippin’. You better get on that stinkin’ plane. If you don’t go, you know you’ll regret it. Get your Asia on. Go eat some real phad thai. Have a blast. But don’t get pregnant!”

So that’s what I told myself.

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30 thoughts on “The First Sign of Danger. Who Am I?!

  1. @GSH Little garden down at the bottom, enclosed in glass like a green house, ***** fell THROUGH THAT. lol!!!!!! #smdh

  2. @GSH Little garden down at the bottom, enclosed in glass like a green house, ***** fell THROUGH THAT.

  3. @ThisAmericanGirl. Ah, my little inspiring nugget. You’re the reason I’m here! I can’t wait to see you face. Soon, I hope.

  4. I love this. I could so so relate. Even after two years I still get this feeling sometimes. I hope the journey has been incredible so far and I’m looking forward to meeting up somewhere to hear all about it!! <3

  5. @Nomi. YOu didn’t miss much. My dancing is mainly body rolling. I’m really, really, really good at it. 🙂

  6. @Crystal. That face. I miss that face! I hope you are thriving wherever you are. xoxo

  7. This is fabulous. It’s so great to hear from you! Hope you’re having the time of your life, but don’t forget that we really miss you!

  8. your comment to @fvr made me crack up for some reason! fear and guilt – u know how i feel about those two. tell me more! xx.

  9. Man I never got to witness the fabulousness that is you dancing. Please make a youtube video! Preferably not on the pole, but I’ll take what I can get.

  10. @Ween. I have to share this. I’m learning quite a bit about myself. This trip is also reinforcing things I already knew. My eyes are wide open. Fear and guilt are two of the worst things. More on that… xo

  11. @Callen, if you see a youtube video of me dancing on a pole, please rally the troops and come get me! Gurl, this was scary. I was freaking OUT at the airport (more on that later). But I’m glad I’m here. I wouldn’t change a thing. I miss your perfect hair. You were the only one in spin class who walked out looking like a dime.

  12. @Ginny. Fear is real but that should never stop us. Thank you for the best friendship.

  13. so many great points that are applicable to all of us, wherever we may be. thanks for sharing and making me think – so proud of you and looking forward to hearing how the rest of the journey has and will unfold for you. xx.

  14. Sailing your paper ship, riding your horse of nuts and bolts…unbowed by fear. Keep on turning… Salute. 143

  15. Angel!!! So proud of you for taking such a huge risk to pursue your dreams!! We sure miss ya in the DMV but I know you’ll be a better person for making such a bold move! Enjoy the adventure and maybe it’s okay to dance just one time for money just keep it off youtube, lol! Take care and keep inspiring us all to step out the box and pursue what makes us happy!

  16. Totally agree on dancing for money. And so proud and inspired by your journey, literally and figuratively. How does real pad Thai taste????

  17. I love you girl and am so proud of you for facing fear and taking it on in order to experience a dream you will never forget!

  18. So proud of you for doing this. BUT if you had to dance for money, you’d be rich 😉